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| Yes, it is 5:44 am. And I am awake. Still awake, I should say. Something's keeping me up. It may be some divine inspiration that I'm just waiting to realize, or it may be the 1/4 of a Red Bull I had at 1 am while I was closing the bar. I don't consume a lot of caffeine anymore. *Other than Coffee Heath Bar Crunch ice cream from Ben and Jerry's (I die..)*
Eesh. I laid in bed reading old blogs until about 4:30. Then I said to myself, "Mandy... You just worked for 12 hours straight. You work again tonight for what will probably be at least 5 hours on your feet. And you need to do you stupid homework or you're going to fail this class. GO TO SLEEEEEEEEP...."
And that got me thinking about my Master's. I've been struggling with my choice of concentration since I started my Master's last Fall. I just don't think I have conducting in my heart the way I thought I did. I love music, and I want to teach music. I just didn't realize that conducting was a performance degree and that I really suck at it. Ha!
I thought that conducting was the education side of the vocal master's programs. Turns out there is a Music Education Master's that is Vocal/Choral. That's what I wanted. Not training to be the next TK.
*There is nothing wrong with being the next TK, I'm just realizing (a little too late) that I'm not cut out for it.*
I can't find me in the music. I can't get past the technical stuff to find emotion and dynamics and feelings. Maybe that makes me a bad musician, but I'm betting on it makes me a bad conductor. Hence, I believe today begins my quest to find out how awfully difficult it will be to switch my concentration. *Ya, hence..* It looks like there are just a couple classes different then the degree I'm working on anyway... So... Maybe? We shall see.
So now I'm waiting for Java Jack's to open so I can get out of my bed to work on homework. I just can't seem to get anything done in my room. I'd rather listen to music than read about Classical composers. *Again, why am I a music major?*
I also want to get my old camera looked at so I can take super sweet pictures with it. That came outta left field. Oh vell...
Bah, I still have half an hour before they open. I fear if I begin reading here I will fall asleep and then my plans for the day will be shot.
6:30- Go to Java Jack's
Order a wheat bagel and either an iced Dorothy B with soy or a Perrier.
Munch said bagel whilst delving into the history of the Classical period.
Answer past due discussion questions.
8:30ish- Go work out! Wee!
10:00- Shower and nap (here's the sleep)
12:00- Go up to school and clean off bulletin boards.
While at school, track down Dr. Turner to discuss my options.
Avoid Dr. King.
Maybe play around on the piano and find a tune for the song I just wrote.
6:00- Go to work and make some people drunk and happy.
11 or 12- Come home and hopefully just sleep sleep sleep.
I may make a trip to Hastings too to find a couple of books.
Wow, that did not take enough time to write.
Well, I had boy breath about 15 minutes ago when I finally decided I wasn't sleeping. Ya, like whoa. I guess I don't know that it's only boys who have this breath. Especially considering I just had it, but.. It's boy morning breath, and it ain't pretty. I assume, now, that girls can have it too. I've just never woken up next to a girl or had one yawn morning breath in my face. It was not nice. So I brushed my teeth and now I'm minty fresh!
And now we're all completely bored. to. tears.
So that's my cue! Exits stage left. | | |
| It has been since the election. Score one for blog team! My life has gone through some changes, to say the least.
I put off some of my basics in my undergrad and ended up graduating in December. I overlapped in the Fall so I had a full semester of grad work under my belt once the Spring semester started. Woo? No woo. I about killed myself. 23 hours of classes, teaching 2 days a week, working at the coffee shop, I started at Nine Flags in December, Church choir Wednesdays and Sundays and my assistantship... Let's not even go there.
The Spring calmed down a little bit. I was only in grad classes, so it's 9 hours. But that included 6 hours of Dr. King classes. And Bib. Oh yes, shoot me now. Well, then. But that semester is over and now I don't know that I really want to be a choir director.
Oh life.
We can all tell by my profile that I'm single. That happened in February and I don't need to go into detail. Just know that I am finally becoming happy with me. I haven't been really single since.... Oh.. Let's see... Sophomore year of high school. That was 2002. It's 2009. Seven years? Seriously. How can you know who you are if you are always associating what you know with your "other?" DING DING DING! You can't. I haven't changed immensely, just enough for me to see that I can do this whole alone thing.
Other than my crazy busy life, I'm trying to write some music. I wrote one song over Spring Break and I absolutely adore it. There are few things that I've made that I cannot get over. One is a picture I took of my nephew Sean when he was 2 or 3. I took it one Summer that I was taking a photography class and we were developing our own film. When I was exposing the film on the paper I turned it on for a second and saw that it wasn't aligned where I wanted it so I quickly turned off the light and repositioned the negative. I turned the light back on and finished. When I developed the picture the first exposure showed up faintly behind the one I wanted. It gives the picture a kind of ghostly haze. I fancy myself an artist, but I can't create. So when my song came together I had chills. I love it. I listen to it constantly. I made it. That's me singing my words. That's my heart.
Inspiration comes from the oddest places sometimes. At Nine Flags we have live music every Thursday and Saturday from local artists and in January (I think) a girl from Austin came and played. It was a rainy, cold wintery night in Nac and the music was in the Cafe. She played for a crowd of about 10 people and I fell in love with her music. Hearing her words, and her heart made me want to do that so badly. So thank you Noa Lynne for inspiring me to make my music! Even though it's only one song so far :)
I guess that's not really an odd place. She writes and performs music and it inspired me to do it too!
Blog inspiration. That's a creeper story. I used to love updating with the random things that happened to me every day. Well, they kind of stopped happening! I need to start making a list of the hilarious things my elementary music kids say. They really crack me up sometimes. Anyhoo, I'm writing now because I've been reading some other people's blogs and they are just so interesting. The writers are so funny and genuine. I don't want to look like a total creepy-blog-stalker so I wont say who's I've been reading.
In closing, I've met some really amazing people recently and I really like where I'm heading. It may not be directing a choir right away. I kind of hope it's not. Some days I don't feel like finishing my Master's because I wont use it yet.
I want to inspire and be inspired. I want to make beautiful things and love them so much I can't look away. I want to make a difference in someone's life without even realizing I'm doing it.
For now I guess I'll go to sleep though since it's going to be a very long weekend....
Sleep well anyone who actually reads this! Ha! :)
PS- It is REALLY hard to pick a mood sometimes..
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| I just wrote an 8 page paper on Universal Suffrage (the right to vote). In writing about the history of the vote I had to go into the rights of citizenship. I had to talk about civil rights, or the lack thereof, in the United States throughout history. Honestly, I didn't vote. Why? Because I live in Texas and this GOP state will be bright red for a long long time to come. Hell will freeze over before Texas' 34 electoral votes go Democratic. My dad wasn't very happy when I told him I wasn't voting. Then he said, "If you don't vote, you don't have any say in what happens in our government." Agreed. What should I have to complain about anyway? HA! I'm very excited that we, well, everyone who voted-so... not me, have elected the first African American president. It shows how far we've progressed as a nation. I am proud that in our country we have the right to express our opinions and views, especially in this historic election. However, I cannot comprehend how stagnant some people can still be in their views. I can't even call it regressive, because they have never changed their views. We live in a land of opportunity, a land of freedom, a land where all things are possible. So, why is their still so much negativity when we are making history?? I tried to resist logging on to facebook to see the explosive amounts of status updates, but that only last 2 minutes and I had to check it out. I was shocked, literally shocked to see how many of my facebook "friends" posted status updates with things like, "There goes the country" and "What are we going to do now?" I fully respect everyone's rights to have their own opinion and their rights to express those opinions..... But.. Seriously? Some people are SO insanely closed minded. I can only attribute each of our beliefs to the way we were raised. Our families, communities, teachers, and church families molded us into the "free thinking" people we are today. But did they really? Or did they just instill in us their beliefs for so long that we know no other way to think? I was listening to NPR the other day. The announcer was reading a story about a woman who had always voted the same way her father did because if she voted for the opposite party she would be canceling out her father's vote. Logically, this makes sense, but... You have to think for yourself. I'm not saying that anyone who's disappointed with the outcome of this election isn't thinking for themselves. I'm just saying that we are going to see change. We already are seeing historical change. Let it happen! Look forward to a brighter future. Can it get worse than it has been under Bush's administration? Wait and see. Give change a chance, and stop being so overdramatic. One of my facebook friends had a perfect status update- "If you are planning to move to to another country--PLEASE keep your promise. ... It's time for change." I can't wait to see how far we get in the next 4 years! Optimism Acceptance Progress Respect | | |
| Nobody blogs anymore.. Myself included. Too busy to just sit down and talk about my day like I used to. Not that it was ever that interesting, but I like reading about other people's days! Steven used to write very interesting blogs. Let's all get together and make him write again! I haven't written in so long I don't know what to update on! We've moved, twice. Into a house with a couple of friends the first time. It was good for a while, then we had dog issues. Now it's just us again, in a little apartment. It's ours though. We're moving forward with wedding plans. We're hoping for December '09. I can't wait to find a dress!! I'm hopefully going to Seattle for a little bit this December to do some gigs to raise money for Italy and my mama is gonna go dress shopping with me. I'm teaching now. It's going well, I think? I feel like I get stuck in a teaching rut sometimes though. It's almost as though I should teach something else. Music is ever changing and I feel like I should take some notes from Dr. Turner to keep the kids involved, but once I get my mind set on teaching one thing, I stay there. We worked on rhythm for the first month of school. Granted I only get them once a week for 40 minutes and children forget... I just need to have a wider variety of activities for them. We're doing a Christmas program that I am having them write a piece for. It should be interesting. They are very creative. Especially the 6th graders. They're my salvation. The 4th and 5th graders are very chatty and can drive me crazy, but I know that Wednesday I have chapel and 6th graders and my week instantly gets better. I'm looking forward to a break. Thanksgiving can't get here fast enough. I'm taking 21 hours. Undergrad and Grad classes.. Take my advice: Don't put anything off!!! It's lame.. Especially to be in 3 freshman courses as a second year senior. Along with those classes I have to learn music for A Cap, Madrigals, voice, conducting, church choir and for my kids. I'm taking grad choral lit with Dr. King, so any of you who have had Dr. King classes before know how much work this is. I'm section leader again, so that's more work and more disappointment when I've said the same thing 8 times and people still do it wrong. I have a sort of assistantship that I split with another grad student and it is A LOT of work. Even split between two people, trying to find the time to do it is insane. Along with all of those things I'm still working at Java Jack's as an assistant manager and doing the schedule there is NOT fun. Oh and Mu Phi. Lots to do there and no time to do it. Hopefully things will slow down in the Spring. Although, if I make the opera there's no chance of things slowing down. Hmm.... What else.... I guess that's all. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I hope you enjoy reading about my boring life :) Later loves! | | |
| 1.
What does your MySpace quote mean?
It's the words to "Midnight Bottle" by Colbie Caillat
2.
Elaborate on your default photo:
Me and Steven at the Zoo!
3.
How many comments do you have?
Some number
4.
What's your current relationship status?
Engaged! Eee!
5.
What exactly are you wearing right now?
I am exactly wearing grey work out pants and a blue tee shirt
6.
What is your current problem?
Can't decide what to eat
7.
What do you love most?
Sleeping and singing and being home with Steven and the kids
8.
What makes you most happy?
Kisses and smiles
9.
Are you musically inclined?
In an obvious sort of way
10.
What would you do if you woke up one morning and found out you were on cocaine?
Freak out
11. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be?
Probably nothing, things are going really well right now, so I must have been doing something right.
12. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be?
Oh well, if I MUST... I'd be Mozart.. He gets to sleep all day!
13.
Ever have a near death experience?
I almost died when I was 4. I got really really sick and they had no idea what I had. Still don't.
14. Name an obvious quality you have?
I have blue eyes.
15.
What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
"Gimme More"
16.
Are you happy today?
Pretty happy. Don't wanna work though..
17.
Who will cut and paste this to first?
Probably nobody
18. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Let's find out... Alfred Nobel, Swedish inventor of dynamite.. Sweet.
19. Do you have a crush on someone?
My fiance
20.
Have you ever been in a fight?
Not a real one
21.
Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
Only like, a lot...
22.
What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex:
Smile
23.
Whats your biggest mistake?
Cutting my hair in 9th grade hahha
24.
Say something totally random about you?
I like the way I smell
25.
Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
My mom used to call me Darlene (Sarah Gilbert from Roseanne) and she's not cute.. so Thanks mom! hahah
26.
Are you comfortable with your height?
Pretty much
27.
What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?
I guess I'd have to say proposing was VERY romantic :)
28.
What is your favorite smell?
Kisses
29.
What's something that really annoys you?
Bad concert etiquette
30.
What's something you're really looking forward to?
Getting my car!
31. Do you give random hugs and kisses?
They're not random, they have purpose :)
32.
What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
All night
33.
Have you ever been rushed to the emergency room?
When I was 4 and dying, and when I dropped a knife on my foot
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